(F)Utility of arranged marriages

Long long back when my grand-dad decided to get his only daughter married, and she was a gold medalist in science (a very rare phenomenon in those days in hindu upper class society), all he wanted was a good family and an earning boy (sheesh, what parameters upon which to hinge an entire life and generations to come). And thus it came to pass that the bride and groom were solemnly locked in holy matrimony without so much as having seen a snap or likeliness of each other, much less talk and know each other.

Thence started a long journey of finding new things about each other as you progress from one day to the night...and find that your husband doesn't drink tea or that your wife doesn't

The steps involved in an arranged marriage vary by communities and families. Sometimes they involve extremities such as "promise made while gambling" or "bride whom the father of the groom likes", but here are the most common scenario, and the process can break down at any step -- mostly earlier than later.

• Broadcast of Availability -- This is when the guardians of the groom or bride announce that they are in market for an alliance. Securing of a stable job, engagement of an elder sibling, graduation are some of the events triggering this step.
• Horoscope Matching: The interested parties trade birth horoscopes as a sign of showing interest. Those who believe in horoscopes consult with astrologers and priests to find out compatibility. The compatibility score is often used to reject an alliance.
• Photo Exchange, Interview, and Background Check: Till this step the bride and the groom do not know what the other partner looks like! The pictures (and sometimes videos) are exchanged and if in agreement, one or more face to face interviews (called darshan) are arranged, during which elders are also present to help with familiarization. Background inquiries are conducted to dig past, bad habits (smoking, drinking, anger management problems) through relatives and friends.
• Dowry and Contract Negotiations: The logistics of marriage are then discussed. Who pays how much for the wedding expenses, the gold, the dowry, girl's and boy's net worth, the house they'd live in etc.
• Engagement: If all the parties are in arrangement, sweets are shared to announce the engagement. Sometimes called as "eating of the sugar" this marks the end of an arranging of an arranged marriage, and the gift exchanges begin.

Do arranged marriages work? Opinions tend to differ. Statistics place the divorce rate for arranged marriages much lower than those in the United States, where marriages out of love are the rule. However, research also shows that the pressure a married couple encounters from both society as a whole, and from the respective families, suggests that divorce is often not an option.

Can love grow out of an arranged marriage? Absolutely, and in the same way that love can grow in romance novels from a marriage of convenience. But there’s more to love than finding a suitable match. Love can grow for many reasons, from lust at first sight to friendship that develops over a long period of time. It’s impossible to predict whether a union will be successful. The only two people who can make it work are the bride and groom, the hero and heroine of their own story.